Guest Post: A Wife’s Perspective

Hello Dear Tough Cookies readers! Simon has kindly invited me to contribute to his blog. Today seemed like a good day. First of all, Happy March! A new month. As I write this, our yard is covered with a blanket of snow. It looks very much wintery out there. Ah well…I shouldn’t get sidetracked from my mission, which is to share with you two experiences: my stay-at-home (“SAH”) experience and my hubby-stay-at-home experience (SAHD”).

Let’s begin!

My SAH experience has differed immensely from Simon’s. Due to my long recovery (mostly from weaken pelvic floor muscles), I spent most of the summer months cooped inside, going on minimal walks, experiencing pain, being exhausted (not only from lack of sleep, but also from adjusting to a very active newborn), not doing any yoga, and getting no free time (I honestly believed that I would have ample time to read and write letters to friends!). I spent a lot of time hanging out at my parents’ house while Margot hung out with her favourite cousin, Noa. Going to my parents’ house allowed me to nap, eat, read a bit, and just sit and look out the window.  As autumn rolled in, I started going on daily walks, gently returning to my yoga, and getting better acquainted with Margot. By that time Margot was developing quite a personality and she was getting more fun to be around.

So, that was my reality for the first six months of Margot’s life. Since I knew that this might be my only maternity leave, I decided to sign up for classes: Monday was Massage for Baby (great class); Wednesday was Sign Language (useless); Thursday was Baby & Mommy yoga (good for me); and Friday was Making Music Meaningful (the more we went, the more Margot enjoyed herself). Most of these classes were more pleasant than I thought they would be and I’m glad I decided to attend. The most challenging part of my leave was that Simon, having started a new position in September, would come home at around 6 p.m. Needless to say my afternoons were long and evenings were short.

I certainly learned quite a bit about myself during my SAH days. I developed skills, such as patience. I learned that some days are productive but most days aren’t. I learned to apply my yoga off-the-mat. I learned that when a baby cries for no apparent reason at 2 a.m., the best thing to do is look out at the darken sky and stars and chant “om”, not only does the sound soothe the baby, but it also soothes the mother. I quickly came to realize that I couldn’t commit to a full year at home and now have immense respect for my friends who have decided to stay at home with their little ones. I missed work too much and was eager to return in January. I know how lucky I am to love my job.

As a SAHD, Simon is fantastic! He does tons of stuff with Margot and has a casual and fun rapport with her (as you can obviously tell from his blog postings). They’re always having a grand time when I come home from work. The biggest lesson I have learned is this: let him do it his way. He loves Margot as much as I love her and her welfare is his number 1 priority. Therefore, every time, I see him do things the “wrong” way (such as, not fastening her diaper tight enough, not warming up her food, allowing her to glance at the TV screen while he plays his video games, forgetting to put socks on her, and the list goes on), I ignore it. Better that he does those tasks at all than none. I accepted Simon’s ways quite early one, which was a good thing. “Yes, let her be in the basement while you play video games. I’ll be doing yoga in the studio”. This makes everyone happy. As a friend, BP, once told me when I was pregnant (among the best advice I ever received), a family is composed of three (or four, or five, etc.) individuals who are all equal. A happy mom and a happy dad = a happy child. Therefore, a mom who does her yoga practice and a dad who plays video games = a happy Margot.

Overall, we are a very happy trio. If financial circumstances allowed it, Simon should remain a SAHD. The house is always very neat and clutter-free, dinner is often ready, and he’s more relaxed now than he’s even been. We joke about him staying at home and becoming a writer. But I know this is just wishful thinking ;)

Take care and I hope you continue reading Tough Cookies. Perhaps I will post again?…

~Jen xox~