Frustrated

I am most displeased. Peeved. Disgruntled even. I went to Ottawa South, a neighbourhood on the far side of Ottawa, to get a haircut. I always go to this area because that’s where my barber (who I’ve used for the last 10 years) is located. And guess what greeted me after my long journey? A big fat sign saying “come back in one hour”!

With my long and dishevelled locks still intact I was forced to came home. Argh! Well I might as well take advantage of my foul mood and list some other things that bug me:

• Buying the wrong type of batteries and not realizing it until you try to use them.
• No Sky Days.
• Telemarketers.
• Forgetting to press “Save” and having Microsoft Word crash on you.
• Croc shoes.
• Grocery stores that sell leeks by the bunch but not individually.
• The air in airports and on airplanes.
• Itchy contact lenses.

Here’s a list of things that bug Margot:

• Stinky diapers.
• Socks (especially right socks).
• Being in her playpen too long.
• Abiding society’s outdated rituals and parochial system.
• Stinky diaper garbage pails.

I hope you liked this frustrated post. But if you didn’t – too bad, I'm frustrated! :P
:)

Mishka

Today was beautiful. I took full advantage of the weather by going for a walk with Noa, Margot, Jen’s mom and Jen’s mom’s dog, Mishka.

Mishka is an amazing dog. I have seen her get poked and prodded by Margot and Noa with nary a complaint (it’s amazing how some pets know to be super gentle when they’re around children!).

I grew up sans pets in my house while Jen’s family had a veritable potpourri of animals: dogs, rabbits and multiple cats. Perhaps this explains our differing views when it comes to getting our own pet; Jen is up for getting a cat while I’m hesitant about getting anything.

My main concern is that I don’t want the added responsibility right now, however minimal. Margot is handful enough without having to worry about feeding the cat or making sure the amount of fur scattered around the house is at a tolerable level. Plus, given that I’m currently the primary diaper-changer I can’t say I’m too enthused about having to pick up another being’s poop.

Jen and I owned a cat a few years ago and it was fun. Still, I’d rather wait a couple of years ‘til Margot gets older and she can pick out her own cat for her birthday or Christmas (which should, I suspect, vault me into the stratosphere of amazing dads).

Anyways, time will tell if Jen and Margot team up on me with their big cute eyes and convince me to get a pet sooner. Remind me not to teach Margot the word “chat”!

Walking on Sunshine

Remember this photo?

 
I took it on January 5, 2011, when Margot first learned to stand. Now look at her:

Go baby go! The last few days Margot’s ability to walk has skyrocketed! It’s amazing. Sure there are a few bumps along the way but at this rate she’ll be joining me on my 5 km run in May (no comments on which of us will win thank you very much!).

It's like...like...Margot’s walking on sunshine….!

Hmmm I'm sure my baby loves me. I'm not sure I'm waiting for when she can knock on the door or write to me though. That would be odd. :P :)

Exercise

I braved the chilly temperature outside this morning and went for a jog. I don't normally start jogging in March, but this year I really wanted to do it because the amount of exercise I have done during my parental leave has been pretty minimal.  Sure I've gone on a number of walks, and even gone snowshoeing and skating on occasion, but I still feel that my fitness level is low.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not laying the blame on Margot. I realize that if I was really interested in organized sports I could have found some indoor sports league to play in. However, that’s not really my thing and the fact remains that it’s not as easy to do whatever you want to do with a baby. As for going to a gym…well it’s true that before Margot was born I used to go to a local gym franchise…however, to make it worth my while I would have to go three times a week and I don’t think I want to commit to that right now.

No. For me, jogging is the easiest and cheapest way to improve my health while maintaining my flexibility to take care of Margot. Other things I’d like to start up again this spring and/or summer is squash (with my friends) and tennis (with Jen).

Note that as a small incentive to keep running I’ve entered the 5 km run in the Ottawa Race weekend (the 10 km was sold out!). If all goes well than maybe I’ll run a 10 km race in the autumn.  But hey, one thing at a time, my name’s not Roger Bannister! Geez!

What's in a Name?

Ahhhhhhhhh, Jen and I just got back from a brisk non-spring spring walk in Gatineau Park (the muchkin was being carried on the back of your local blogging hero). While dodging the various patches of ice and snow we were inspired, for some reason, to have a conversation about Margot’s name. It was pretty funny and we laughed about all the other names we could have given her.

As soon as I got home I pulled out a couple of old lists from before Margot was born.

The red paper lists all the possible first names we were seriously considering giving her. These include:

• Eloïse
• Margot (of course)
• Sophie
• Chloé
• Beatrice
• Charlotte
• Élodie
• Lilou
• Solene
• Freya
• Maia
• Molly
• Mika

Haha can you imagine Margot as Lilou??? What were we thinking when we came up with that?! 

My thoughts exactly.

Anyways, moving on, the white paper indicates possible middle names. By this time we were also considering “Maëlle” as a first name as evidenced by the fact that we’ve circled “Maëlle Sofia Parham” on the page and seemed to have relegated “Margot Soleil Parham” off to the side.

Maëlle Sofia Parham…interesting. What do you think about that name? Has a nice ring to it huh? Yup, yup…WRONG!!!!! It sounds like a French nun crashed into a Bulgarian Studebaker on her way to buy English muffins. Oh little patate, you really dodged a bullet!

Question for any daring readers with children: what alternate names did you consider for your children? Listen to this classic tune to jog your memories.

The Play's the Thing

On this cold blustery day, with the warm promises of springs of less than a fortnight ago seemingly dashed upon the rock of a malcontent wind, Jen and I are off to see Antigone, which is playing at the Great Canadian Theatre Company in the west end of Ottawa. Jen’s aunt, Tante Mado, has been kind enough to babysit Margot again.

 
Coincidently, the Canadian Government fell today and an election has been called by the Prime Minister. I hope the election becomes one of ideas rather than petty barbs and scandal mongering. Politics, leadership, the law, and the role of the state, as these brief quotes from Antigone suggest, are questions as old as time immemorial and are worthy of at least a few moments of discussion: 

Of course you cannot know a man completely, his character, his principles, sense of judgment, not till he’s shown his colors, ruling the people, making laws...

Remember this: our country is our safety. Only while she voyages true on course can we establish friendships, truer than blood itself.

How to Tell if a Dad has dressed his Baby

Have you ever seen a baby and wondered – how could her mother dress him/her like that? Well, chances are she hasn’t.

I have to confess; I’m pretty slack when it comes to dressing Margot. As long as she’s safe and decent I’m not too fused if her slacks match her shirt. I don’t think I’m the only dad who thinks like that. In fact, I think that if more dads became primary caregivers, the market for cute shoes and shirts with ribbons on them and other unnecessary frills would bottom out. Until that day, here are some other ways you can tell a baby has been dressed by a dad:

1. Small food stains on outfit (“they add character”).
2. Outfit looks suspiciously similar to the one she wore the day before (“it’s not that dirty!”).
3. Mismatched socks (“that’s the style in LA”).
4. Short-sleeve shirt even though it’s winter (“the snow’s outside not inside!”).
5. Complete absence of any accessory that serves no functional purpose (“hey, even I don’t even wear belts all the time”).
6. Pyjamas in the afternoon (“it prepares them for University”). 
7. Clothes on backwards (“ok this one may be stretching it a little bit…but it’s playoff season!”)
8. A big smile (“cause I have the sneaking suspicious she’s looking forward to seeing dad get in trouble with mom”).

The Days are Long but the Years are Short

There is nothing outstanding to talk about today. No trips to the museum. No “guys night out”. No new discoveries about Margot. In short, it’s a typical average boring day in the life of a stay-at-home dad.

That’s the good thing about this blog. It encourages me to try new things so I can write about them and share my experiences. Even the ordinary can be made extraordinary with a bit of literary…flair! But some days, whether it’s when you’re fighting off a cold (like I am), or when the weather is miserable, or just because that’s life sometimes, nothing special happens. That’s when I catch myself wishing it were summer or dreaming about travelling overseas….

Hold it. Careful. Let me stop myself there.

“The days are long but the years are short.” A wise person once told that to Jen and I and it has stayed with me ever since. To a certain extent, being an idealist, I will always think about the future. But if I’m not careful I will dream the days away – and then “poof” Margot will be all grown up.

It’s a balance I guess. Without these “average” days life would be one non-stop rollercoaster, which could get very exhausting after awhile! Or maybe I should use these days to do all the hard work on things such as my book for Margot. Or maybe I should stop my existential philosophizing, go hug Margot and Jen and stop blogging for today.

Baby Sign Language

Do you know how to speak Margot? Although at first blush it appears to be a fairly straightforward language, it’s actually very nuanced. 

Here is how you say “I’m hungry”:

Here is how you say “I want attention”.

 

And here is how you say “In control theory the system pole and zeros are analyzed in the intricate seaplane”:

 
OK Maybe I made that last one up but Margot does seem to be sticking her fingers in her mouth a lot these days.

Another Margot sign that I’ve learned is rubbing her eyes, which means “I’m tired”. As her vocabulary expands (she’s still stuck on “Mama” and “Dada”) I wonder if these signs will fall by the wayside? I can’t wait to have a babbling little monkey running around here although I suspect that once she starts she’ll never stop! In the meantime, I'll say "Goodbye" in Margot:

Just kidding :)

Literature

At the end of a long day, after I’ve put Margot to bed, I like to grab a good book and read until my eyes feel heavy and I know it’s time for me to pack my bags for the “land of nod”. I normally enjoy reading non-fiction. As I’ve blogged about before, I often take books on history, politics or international relations out from one of the local libraries. I save the most interesting books for my book club with my father and brother.

Fiction is trickier. I have three categories: my guilty secrets, my basic reads, and my serious investments.

My “guilty secrets” are generally science fiction and fantasy books paperbacks. Think the Harry Potter series, for example. They’re fun to read and are pure escapism. I don’t read this category of books too often but when I do I tend to go on a little binge.

My “basic reads” tend to be best selling books by well-known authors. For example, I recently read Margaret Atwood’s The Year of the Flood. I was less than impressed with this book, which I found to have certain imaginative elements but poorly executed. Basic reads can be enjoyable but they also tend to be forgettable.

My “serious investments” are books that inspire thought and contemplation and which I may read more than once. My most favourite books tend to fall in this category, which are few and far between. Unfortunately, what I hope is a “serious investment” often turns out to be a “basic read”.

 
My most recent book is Anna Karenin, by Leo Tolstoy. I’ve only read one hundred pages but I’m enjoying it immensely; it somehow manages to be both funny and sad at the same time, although I can sense a looming catastrophe on the horizon. In any event, it’s brilliantly written. Take this passage for example:

The two friends were silent all the way to the restaurant. Levin was wondering what the change in Kitty’s expression had meant, alternately assuring himself that there was hope for him, and falling into despair, clearly seeing that it was madness to hope; but yet feeling himself another man since her smile and the words Au revoir.

Or this:

Five minutes later Kitty’s friend the Countess Nordston, married the previous winter was announced. She was a thin, highly-strung ailing woman with brilliant black eyes and a sallow complexion. She was fond of Kitty and her affection, like that of every married woman for a young girl, expressed itself in a desire to see Kitty married in accordance with her own ideal of happiness;

It definitely has the hallmarks of a “serious investment”.

Laughter

This video pretty much sums up why staying home with Margot is so much fun!

Welcome Spring!

Today is officially the first day of spring! Although there is still a fair bit of snow lying about, the first signs of spring have definitely been popping up here and there. For example, the first birds have come back.

In addition to these fat doves, I’ve seen some chickadees, a fat robin, a pair of cardinals, a blue jay, a few sparrows, and some other unknown species of birds in our backyard. Some of these birds stay for the winter but lots migrate down south until it gets warmer.

Besides birds, I’ve also started to see buds on the trees and bushes.

Although not yet on our honeysuckle vine…

 Other signs that spring is here:

• The days are longer.
• You can see grass in some spots.
• People are taking their Christmas lights down.
• Lots more people are jogging now.
• There are tons of potholes in the streets.
• People are starting to drink on patios – I saw a few brave souls trying this today!

As for Margot, well she's very excited about the melting snow so she can finally show off a different outfit to all her Internet fans. Here she is striking a pose.

Sugar sugar sugarshack!

What comes to your mind when you think about Canada?

No, not hockey.
No, not snow.
No, not beavers.
No, not these guys.

ARGH! Ok I’ll help you – maple syrup!  This morning Jen, Margot, Jason, Eve, Noa and I went to a sugar shack on the outskirts of the city to explore how this very Canadian product is made.

The Proulx Sugarbush & Berry Farm is situated near Orleans, which is on the east end of Ottawa and about 40 minutes from my house. For the pretty decent price of $5 Cdn per adult (young children are free), we said hello to some farm animals, took a wagon ride, and got to see and hear how Maple Syrup is made. There were also lots of playgrounds scattered around the site, much to the delight of all the little kids running around.

The weather was perfect for this trip…although, since the temperature has been hovering at about 2 degrees Celsius for the last few days, the paths around the farm were essentially all mud. Luckily, we all brought thick, sturdy boots – right Jason? (Haha you’ll have to ask him.)

Ethnicity

I’m trying to make Stuffed Grapevine leaves today. It’s a Lebanese specialty. Mmm I hope the recipe is successful because Lebanese food such as spinach pies, grapevine leaves, Kibbi, Tabouli, Fatoosh etc. is sooooo good!

The Lebanese influence comes from Jen’s side and is part of what makes Margot a real mishmash when it comes to her background! Essentially she is ¼ Franco-Ontarian, ¼ Lebanese, ¼ El Salvadorian and ¼ English (the first two being Jen’s ethnicity and the latter two being mine). However, this ignores some of the more distant parts of my background including Irish, Scottish, French and Mayan as well as Jen's Iroquois background. I guess all this makes Margot the perfect Canadian!

Unlike other parts of the world where interracial marriages seem to be less common, I think people with mixed ethnicities like Margot are actually going to be a large part of the Canadian population very soon, if they aren’t already. I remember seeing an interracial couple once when Jen and I were backpacking through Paris. I said to Jen, “I bet they’re from Canada” and sure enough we saw that they were wearing Mountain Equipment Co-op backpacks (which are typically Canadian).

Haha I just remembered that Margot has also been baptized Anglican. Wow. She is going to have quite the time filling out a census questionnaire!

Little Swimmers

Ahoy Matey! Me 'n' these here scurvy scallywags took our keesters out to the pool today and had us a grand great adventuaaarrr (not sure why I’m talking like a pirate but it seems oddly appropriate)!!

To translate: Margot, Noa, Jen’s Dad Eli and I went to the Aylmer public pool today for a quick dip (Jen was the photographer). It was quite fun despite the fact that we had to use the grown-up pool as the kiddie pool was closed.

This was Margot’s first official swim. Although she was a little nervous at first her normal inquisitive self eventually took over and she began flashing her wonderful smile at everyone. We played with the watering can and used a floater specially designed for babies to move about.

Interestingly, the pool uses salt-water, not chlorine. I was a bit apprehensive about this at first, as I had imagined the strong scent of salt would pervade the air. However, the smell was quite mild and generally a more pleasant than what I remember.

All-in-all, t’was a roarin’ good time ya mangy landlubber!

Window to the World

Since becoming a stay-at-home-dad I think the single most important luxury item I have is not any gimmick or toy for calming Margot down, not any book, and not any appliance; rather it is regular access to the Internet.

I probably use the Internet now more than I ever did before:

• I keep up-to-date with what is happening in the world by reading numerous online articles about such things as the tragedy in Japan and the turmoil in the Middle East (indeed, I am often tempted to write my support for the people in those lands on this blog, something I may do on a later occasion).
• I use it to find online resources so that I can practice my French. 
• I check the weather to see if it’s too cold outside to go for a walk with Margot.
• I email my friends to make plans for guys’ nights out. 
• I use Skype so that my parents can see Margot grow more regularly. 
• I even blog in order that my connection to the online world operates in two directions (as a consumer and as a contributor).

I did a lot of those things before becoming a stay-at-home-dad…just not as much. Interestingly, even though I probably don’t even use a tenth of what’s out there, I sometimes think I surf the Internet too much.

Could I give up the Internet? Well, maybe…if you gave me a million dollars to tour the world. Although, and this may shock you, from the middle of 2003 to the middle of 2007 I actually had no home Internet connection (I used libraries)! Haha that seems so quaint now.

Anyways, going forward, and definitely as long as I’m a stay-at-home parent, I think the Internet will be a big part of my life.

C'est Dur Dur D'être Bébé

Margot had an almost uninterrupted sleep last night. After a little morning feistiness she’s back in her crib taking a nap right now. I think she’s still recuperating from our recent adventure to Toronto.

It must be hard being a baby; getting dragged around the country at your parents’ whim; getting your cheeks kissed all the time; getting your arms and legs stuffed into all manner of clothes.

I think this funny music video from France says it all (although I think that “baby” in the video is like 5-years old).

Interesting side note: this singer, Jordy, is apparently the youngest singer to have ever had a number one single!

Return Home

Well, I made it! I’m back home in Gatineau. The flight home from Toronto was fairly uneventful although there were a couple of rough patches. Although Margot behaved pretty well during the takeoff she cried for a few minutes on the landing. I was able to distract her once in awhile but in the end she only really stopped after I bundled her up and left the airplane. Thankfully no one on the airplane gave me bad looks (I got sympathetic looks more than anything!)

Overall I’d say my experiment of going off a little adventure with just Margot and me was a grand success. All of my family got a chance to catch up with Margot again and I made the best of the miserable March weather by having a fun weekend. Margot has really changed since the last time I was in the area, which was around Christmas. Back then she was more standoffish with my family. Now, give her five minutes, and she’s everyone’s best friend!

Anyways…it really feels good to be around my stuff again. No matter how good a trip is (and it was good), there’s nothing like that feeling you get when you walk through the door of your own house and settle into a cozy corner.

Well, I guess there is one feeling that’s better: seeing Jen for the first time in a few days! Travelling with Margot has been fun enough, but seeing Jen smile and wave at me as I was arriving at Ottawa Airport definitely warmed my heart.

Book club!

A couple of years ago my Dad, brother and I started a book club. The focus of our club is historical pre-World War I non-fiction. Other than that, it's pretty wide-open although we generally stick to books that are related to battles/wars or books related to explorers. In other words, it's guy heaven!

Both my Dad and brother (and my mom and my brother's spouse of course) stopped by to visit today so we could review our latest read: The River of Doubt: Theodore Roosevelt's Darkest Journey. Everyone was in agreement that this was a great book about one of those oddball corners of history that are almost too crazy to be true.

In a nutshell, Ex-President of the United States Theodore Roosevelt took a group of mostly untrained men down an unexplored river in the middle of the Amazon Rainforest where they had to overcome disease, starvation and hostile indigenous natives. Try picturing ol' Clinton or W. doing that! Hard to believe that took place only 100 years ago.

Besides the book club, everyone mostly just enjoyed Margot's company. The little spark really fills a room with joy so I don't blame them!

Fancy Footwear

Well, Margot and I landed safe and sound yesterday at Toronto's Island Airport. Margot was a pretty good sport about the flight and only complained a little bit during the landing.

After a good night's sleep we woke up full of vim and vigour and ready to explore the city. Given the very "March-like" (read gross) weather outside, we decided it would be better to stay indoors.

Guess where we ended up...

The CN Tower, one of the world's tallest buildings?
The Toronto Zoo, full of ferocious beasts from the four corners of the globe?
The Air Canada Centre, to see a hockey game or a concert?

Of course not! I'm with a baby! Geez!

No, we went to the very safe and friendly Bata Shoe Museum where I got to learn about shoes and socks from the past to the present.

Haha actually it was a really interesting museum although suprisingly expensive ($14 Cdn???!)

We saw lots of shoes and socks from famous people from Queen Victoria to Nelly Furtado to Doogie Howser.  No, that's a lie. We didn't see Doogie Howser's shoes but he has the right spirit. We did see, however, a pair of Napoleon's socks!

Good times although mommy was missed. Margot told me she is hoping for a present when she gets home. Of what? SHOES of course!

Plane Ride with Daddy

Oh little bean! I’m taking you for your first ever plane ride this evening. Do we have everything we need? Hmmm well I think we have enough diapers but good idea, pack some more - just in case!

Where are we going? A humungous city called Toronto. I think a billion people live there. Don’t worry you have lots of family there to give you hugs.

Is mama coming? Nope! This is a daddy-daughter trip only. That’s OK. Mama has to do some knitting homework. She will give you extra kisses when you return. Yarn-flavoured kisses :)

How long are we going? Three nights. Holy moly, that’s like 1/90th of your life!

Just wait a few more hours little bean. Soon it will be time to start our adventure!

Division of Labour

Over the years my wife, Jen, and I have divided all the house tasks between us. I’m not sure how this actually happened, as we never had a conversation about them. Nevertheless, stuff gets done. The reason I mention this is that the sky saw it fit to dump 15 centimetres of snow on us last night. Guess who was up bright and early shovelling the driveway? You got it! Your friendly neighbourhood blogger-man!

 I have to admit though that Jen chipped in a little bit.

Margot provided moral support.

Phew. At least it’s done.

Getting back on to my point, here’s a list of who does what in my house (sticking to winter tasks to make things simple).

Simon

• Shovelling snow (mostly)
• Folding laundry once clean (usually)
• Sweeping, vacuuming and mopping.
• Taking out garbage. Note that from speaking to my married friends I think men almost always do this but please correct me if I’m wrong.
• Watering houseplants.

Jen

• Laundry
• Dishes (usually)
• Cooking. I used to do more cooking but, as I blogged about before, Jen has really picked up the ball on this one. Perhaps it’s because Jen likes it that I mind and feed Margot while she cooks.
• Taking the car in for maintenance. This is because of Jen’s more flexible schedule.
• Attending yoga conferences (Jen tells me this is of critical importance).

Both

• Keeping the bathroom clean.
• Groceries.
• Anything Margot-related although it will likely shift more to Jen once I go back to work due to Jen’s more flexible schedule.

Inspiration

One of Jen’s friends has been the source of a lot of inspiration for me. I got the idea of writing a blog from her. More recently, her efforts to balance creativity and being a stay-at-home mom have inspired me to write a children’s book for Margot.

Today was my first day of writing.

I won’t give away too many details other than to say that I intend to create a little land where all the fantastical imaginary personalities I have invented for Margot (and some that have yet to be invented) live, work and play. It’s a funny place where the level of vocabulary is somewhere around the grade-two through four level (not alike Fox News, for example). I hope to be done writing by the end of my leave in a few short weeks although this may be a tad ambitious. Then I will work on the drawings, which I may recruit help for.

Where do I get the time to do this? You may recall that I was dropping Margot off with her grandparents while taking French lessons on Wednesdays. Well, my first tutor quit and I decided after one session with the second tutor that I would rather use the time to create a present that I could later share with Margot. Not to worry, I am now taking informal French lessons on the side from a beautiful, seductive, Quebecoise temptress who has a killer accent. I’ll give you a hint as to her identity: she’s Margot’s second favourite person in the whole world. Hahaha.

My first morning writing my book was productive, which is great. Unfortunately, I forgot to take a photo of Planet Coffee, which is where I let the creative juices start flowing. I will try to do that next week but in the meantime here’s a photo of my notebook, which will contain all my notes on the book. I’ve decided to do this the old fashioned way – nothing high-tech (at least to start) for me – no sir ree bob!

Imitation is the Highest Form of Flattery

Margot is growing and learning new things by leaps and bounds. This is too cute and I had to share!

p.s. on an unrelated topic, I just found out from reading another blog that today is International Pancake Day. Coincidentally, I cooked pancakes for breakfast this morning. This is only the second time I've cooked pancakes since I stared my blog 75 days ago. How curious!

Dad School: Financing Fatherhood

I have talked about money on two previous occasions, once in a general sense, and once with respect to Registered Education Savings Plans (“RESP”s). Today Jen and I had an appointment at the bank. It wasn't anything too wild but it inspired me to set out a list of financial plans, payments and tools that every father should know about in order to help pay for their lil’ ones diapers, toys and other goodies. This is a fairly lengthy and dry post but trust me, every little bit helps!  I  promise to make up for this post with more zany ones soon! Since this information is Canadian-specific I apologize to overseas readers.

Universal Child Care Benefit: $100 Cdn per month for every child under six from the Federal Government. All you need to do is apply!

Canada Child Tax Benefit: more money that you can apply for from the Federal Government. You only get this if your child is disabled and/or your family has a lower income.

Refundable Tax Credit for Child Assistance: a long winded way of saying you will get more money – this time from the province of Quebec. You get four cheques per year of about $150-200 Cdn and the amount you get varies depending on how much money you make. I haven’t checked but citizens in other provinces in Canada probably get something similar.

Income Tax Credits for Parents: Canadians pay income tax around this time of year. It sucks. But if you have children there are a couple of tax credits (ways of reducing how much tax you pay), which you should remember. Note that this is based on the 2010 tax year:

·    Line 214: Tax credit for childcare expenses to pay for daycare or a nanny.
·    Line 305: Tax credit for eligible dependants (i.e. children) if you’re a single parent.
·    Line 367: Tax credit for children that can be claimed when a child is born.
·    Line 365: Children’s fitness tax credit.
·    Line 313: Tax credit for adoption expenses.
·    Line 324: Tax credit for tuition that parents forked over for their kids.

There may be other deductions if your child is disabled or if you have lower income. There may also be provincial tax credits.

RESPs: as I mentioned in a previous post, these are a great way of saving money for your child’s education. Anything you invest (stock, mutual fund, cash, etc.) is topped up by the Federal Government in up to two ways: Child Education Savings Grant (everyone can get this) and/or Child Learning Bond (more money for lower income families).

Tax Free Savings Account (or “TFSA”): TFSAs are not really directly connected to raising children. Any money that you invest into a TFSA (stock, mutual fund, cash, etc) grows tax-free. For example, say you bought a $100 stock and sold it for $150. Normally, you would have to pay tax on the $50 difference. Conversely, anything you make on a TFSA investment isn’t taxed.

TFSAs are also really flexible. You can take the money in and out (within limits) which means it’s there if you need it in an emergency.

TFSAs aren’t directly connected to raising children. However, by paying less tax you do get the immediate benefit of having more money to do fun stuff with your family. Also, with all the financial pressures of being a parent it can be easy to forget to set aside any money for the future, something which I’m betting a lot of parents come to regret later.

RRSPs

RRSPs are the most complicated of the financial stuff I’ll be discussing today so I’ve saved them for last. Like TFSA, anything you make on an RRSP investment isn’t taxed. The catch with RRSPs however is that they aren’t that flexible (you are supposed to use them for retirement) and you’ll eventually be taxed on anything you made when you retire and cash the RRSP out. However, because you won’t be working at that point, in theory at least, you’ll likely be taxed less.

The bonus with RRSPs is that they encourage you to save because when calculating your income tax, your income is reduced by the amount of money you invest. For example, say you made $50000. If you buy $1000 worth of RRSPs you are taxed as if you only made $49000, which means you pay less income tax.

Like TFSAs, RRSPs aren’t directly connected to raising children. However, in my book, more money in the long run equals less stress on a family, which is invaluable.

Playful Sunday Morning

Jen and I invited Jen’s brother Jason, and partner, Eve, and son Noa, over for brunch this morning. There was a chaotic playfulness to the air: lots of clanging and banging about; loud conversations alternating between English and French; and tasty crepes and bagels for all to eat.

Noa and Margot got into the fun spirit of the morning by finding a door stopper to play with.

Sometimes the best mornings are those where you stay put and create your own craziness!

Gender Roles

I took Margot to a makeup class of Making Music Meaningful this morning. Interestingly, because the class was held on a Saturday, as opposed to a weekday, a lot of the regular parents swapped places with their partners. This meant that about half of the parental attendees were dads as opposed to the more typical percentage of 90% women, 10% men. This change from the normal gender balance gave the class an exuberant, although initially cautious, energy (probably because a lot of the dads felt like I did when I attended the class for the first time!).

I really am grateful that I can hang out with Margot on a daily basis, as opposed to just weekends or after work, even if it’s only for a short time. I wonder if my generation will be considered the trailblazers of a more even distribution of parental responsibility or if we will just be considered a historical anomaly?

When you think about it, if you value the idea that a baby should stay home with one of his/her parents for at least a year, it should really make no difference which parent stays home; let the parents sort it out. However, guys are resistant - I know I was. As I blogged about before, a lot of us are worried about the professional consequences.

It will take a serious paradigm shift for us guys to get over our fears. I suspect that change may only come if forced upon us. For example, I’ve read lots of articles that state that the majority of graduates of medical and law schools in Canada are now women. I don’t think these women will be too impressed when their partners demand that they take a year off just because they're afraid of what their coworkers might say or because they don’t want to risk standing up to their boss.

I always sneak a few peaks at the faces at the faces of the other parents in my music class. Today I noticed that, once the other dads settled in, there was only one emotion on most of the their faces: joy. We don’t know it, and we wouldn't admit it if we did, but the sooner change comes the better off we will be.

Hockey Night in Canada

Baby’s tucked in after a full day of Making Music Meaningful.
Wife’s at home enjoying a book and a cup of tea.
That must mean….

It’s hockey night in the nation’s capital!

Once a year I set my bourgeois airs and pretensions aside, put on an old pair of jeans and hop on a bus with my friend Dave to go see the world’s best hockey players tear up the ice for 2-and-a-half hours. I’m no diehard hockey fan but I can’t help but get caught up in the emotion of eighteen thousand fans cheering the “local” boys on.

This year the matchup was between the local team, Ottawa Senators, who have no chance of making the playoffs, and the New York Rangers, who are currently holding to the their playoff position by the skin of their teeth. Some would have called it a useless game.

Some would be wrong.

My team, the Toronto Maple Leafs, is on the cusp of making the playoffs. Because Ottawa lost to New York tonight, the Rangers were able to maintain their 5-point lead over the Leafs for the last vital playoff spot. Thanks a lot Senators!

Farmers for the Day

There are a lot of smaller museums in Ottawa that I never thought about visiting before Margot was born. The Agriculture Museum is one of them. This morning Jen, Margot and I visited this museum with Jen’s mom and Margot’s cousin, Noa, in tow.

We saw horses, cows, sheep, goats, pigs and rabbits. As you can see, Jen wasn’t too impressed with the smell in the pigpen area. Shades of a couple of days ago perhaps? Hmmmm.

Margot didn’t have too much to say about the animals although she did say the word “Dada” repeatedly while we were there which could be a good or bad thing for me. However, she seemed to be in a generally good mood so I think she enjoyed the visit.

My favourite exhibit was the section on farm equipment as the museum has rigged up a few machines to simulate riding on various models of tractors. Noa and I went to town ploughing a simulated cornfield using one of them (to ensure the field was ploughed properly we rode the tractor twice).

It’s really hard to believe this museum, which is situated in a huge field, is right in the middle of Ottawa. Haha, I think I’ve said this before but oh Canada! Only we would build a FARM in the middle of our capital city :) No towers or monuments for us.

But seriously, it was really fun. It was a gloriously sunny day and we took full advantage.

Guest Post: A Wife’s Perspective

Hello Dear Tough Cookies readers! Simon has kindly invited me to contribute to his blog. Today seemed like a good day. First of all, Happy March! A new month. As I write this, our yard is covered with a blanket of snow. It looks very much wintery out there. Ah well…I shouldn’t get sidetracked from my mission, which is to share with you two experiences: my stay-at-home (“SAH”) experience and my hubby-stay-at-home experience (SAHD”).

Let’s begin!

My SAH experience has differed immensely from Simon’s. Due to my long recovery (mostly from weaken pelvic floor muscles), I spent most of the summer months cooped inside, going on minimal walks, experiencing pain, being exhausted (not only from lack of sleep, but also from adjusting to a very active newborn), not doing any yoga, and getting no free time (I honestly believed that I would have ample time to read and write letters to friends!). I spent a lot of time hanging out at my parents’ house while Margot hung out with her favourite cousin, Noa. Going to my parents’ house allowed me to nap, eat, read a bit, and just sit and look out the window.  As autumn rolled in, I started going on daily walks, gently returning to my yoga, and getting better acquainted with Margot. By that time Margot was developing quite a personality and she was getting more fun to be around.

So, that was my reality for the first six months of Margot’s life. Since I knew that this might be my only maternity leave, I decided to sign up for classes: Monday was Massage for Baby (great class); Wednesday was Sign Language (useless); Thursday was Baby & Mommy yoga (good for me); and Friday was Making Music Meaningful (the more we went, the more Margot enjoyed herself). Most of these classes were more pleasant than I thought they would be and I’m glad I decided to attend. The most challenging part of my leave was that Simon, having started a new position in September, would come home at around 6 p.m. Needless to say my afternoons were long and evenings were short.

I certainly learned quite a bit about myself during my SAH days. I developed skills, such as patience. I learned that some days are productive but most days aren’t. I learned to apply my yoga off-the-mat. I learned that when a baby cries for no apparent reason at 2 a.m., the best thing to do is look out at the darken sky and stars and chant “om”, not only does the sound soothe the baby, but it also soothes the mother. I quickly came to realize that I couldn’t commit to a full year at home and now have immense respect for my friends who have decided to stay at home with their little ones. I missed work too much and was eager to return in January. I know how lucky I am to love my job.

As a SAHD, Simon is fantastic! He does tons of stuff with Margot and has a casual and fun rapport with her (as you can obviously tell from his blog postings). They’re always having a grand time when I come home from work. The biggest lesson I have learned is this: let him do it his way. He loves Margot as much as I love her and her welfare is his number 1 priority. Therefore, every time, I see him do things the “wrong” way (such as, not fastening her diaper tight enough, not warming up her food, allowing her to glance at the TV screen while he plays his video games, forgetting to put socks on her, and the list goes on), I ignore it. Better that he does those tasks at all than none. I accepted Simon’s ways quite early one, which was a good thing. “Yes, let her be in the basement while you play video games. I’ll be doing yoga in the studio”. This makes everyone happy. As a friend, BP, once told me when I was pregnant (among the best advice I ever received), a family is composed of three (or four, or five, etc.) individuals who are all equal. A happy mom and a happy dad = a happy child. Therefore, a mom who does her yoga practice and a dad who plays video games = a happy Margot.

Overall, we are a very happy trio. If financial circumstances allowed it, Simon should remain a SAHD. The house is always very neat and clutter-free, dinner is often ready, and he’s more relaxed now than he’s even been. We joke about him staying at home and becoming a writer. But I know this is just wishful thinking ;)

Take care and I hope you continue reading Tough Cookies. Perhaps I will post again?…

~Jen xox~